Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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