we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
