Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
