Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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