dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
