Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
