Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
whose parrot is this?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
