fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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