I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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