Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize