Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
