dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
