Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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