You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
