scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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