Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
