The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
