I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize