I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
