Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
