You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
