I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
