yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
