Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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