So drunk its hurt
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
