Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
