can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
