I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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