If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
