So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
