big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
