So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
