If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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