I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
