I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
