I'm eating all of the evidence.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
