I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
