I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
