You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
