Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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