I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
