I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
