too bad you live with your parents still
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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