She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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