i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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