It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
