Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
