Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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