Someone shit on the floor
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
