Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
