too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
