She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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