We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
