What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
