did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize