Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
