i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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