Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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