Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize