Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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