im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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