she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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