It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
