Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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