Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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