I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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