Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
