toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize