Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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