just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
