Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
