Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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