You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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