Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
