Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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