Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
