Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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