My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
