There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think your dad took our porno
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
