I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
