I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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