I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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