I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
