I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
