You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
