Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
