Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
