dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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