the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
