If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
