Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
