Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize