One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
