I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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