I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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