Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
