On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize