I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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