My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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