I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
