just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
