ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
