Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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