hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize