You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
