Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
