Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
