Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
