I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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