5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
