We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize