it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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