so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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