Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
