i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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