Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
