I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
