I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
