Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had to cum in my sink.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
