she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
