fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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