the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
