i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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