Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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